John Carter

His name does not inspire greatness, like Indiana Jones or Sherlock Holmes do, and this lack of inspiration is something that seeps throughout the film. It is entertaining, but it’s John Carter not Luke Skywalker. Perhaps the original title: John Carter of Mars, might have been more appealing, but apparently Disney were scared of using the word ‘Mars’, a word that has always signalled box office failure in the past. That change of title, however, didn’t save the film. The movie is noted for being one of the biggest flops in cinema history, which I think is a little unfair. The more money you spend the more you have to lose, so the economics of these statistics don’t quite square up. Moreover, the film isn’t that bad, or at least not any worse than a lot of other blockbusters that have had a lot more success than it (the Transformers, Matrix, Spider-man, and X-Men sequels, for instance). John Carter, a former captain in the Confederate army during the American Civil War, is accidentally transported to Mars. If this sounds rather arbitrary and pointless, that’s because it is. There is never a reason or a purpose (unlike Luke Skywalker he does not discover that he possesses the force and is the only chance of saving the universe). Due to the lower gravitational pull on Mars, Carter is exceptionally strong and powerful on that planet, but aside from this there is nothing special about him. We do not feel any great attachment to the character, or in fact to any of the others, except perhaps a weird, dog-like creature that follows him around. Carter reluctantly gets involved in another civil war, and surprisingly takes the side which has the prettiest girl on it (a girl who is supposed to be a professor, or at least an advanced engineer, geographer, astronomer, and linguist). We then follow him through several twists and turns of fate, and I have to admit a fairly complex plot-line. The feeling of arbitrariness never leaves us, however, and this is confirmed by Carter’s enemies whose ultimate aim, it seems, is just to be evil. We have to blame the writing here, both of the original book and the screenplay. The effects, the design etc, are fantastic, but there is nothing new or inspiring in this movie. The beginning is an unnecessary mess which involves jumping between five different periods and places, before we have been able to fully understand any of them. Taylor Kitsch, who plays Carter, is fairly insipid – there are no great lines, no great looks or movements. You may enjoy the ride, as vacuous as it is, but you’ll soon find yourself thirsting after something a little more satisfying.